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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Karen Lea's LiveJournal:

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    Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
    10:42 pm
    Amelia

    Tonight, Fanny and I drove to Santa Monica to visit Julie in the hospital. When I saw Amelia, my heart completely melted. She is adorable and so, so small! She looks a lot like Daniel. She kept clenching her fists and making kitten sounds. Honestly, I completely fell in love with her. I can't wait to spoil her and take her to Disneyland when she gets older. I never really liked kids before, especially babies, so this was a completely unexpected reaction. I think it's because Julie is the closest thing that I have to a sister, so Amelia is family. Plus, I was overcome with happiness for Julie and Daniel.

    Julie is doing ok. She is bleeding a lot and may need a blood transfusion. Mostly she is in pain and sleepy, which led to crankiness and a major meltdown. I think she will feel a lot better in a few days. She seemed to relish giving us the gory details of her labor. No kids for me thanks!

    This was the first time I have been back to a hospital since the morning that my mom died. It was a little difficult, luckily not the same hospital. However, the main entrance, was also the waiting area for surgery. I saw people worried and crying. I am really glad that we were visiting Julie for something positive. I needed this!



    Current Mood: happy
    Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
    6:04 pm
    Julie!!!
     About an hour ago, Julie had her daughter and I was the very first person that they called! Mother and baby are doing great and they still need to pick a name. It's between Amelia and Samantha. I hope they pick Amelia! I didn't expect to be, but I am beyond excited about this. I have had my cell phone on for days, in anticipation. I had no idea that it would be such a long, drawn out process. I have had over a hundred text messages from Julie in the last couple of days.  I can't wait to actually meet the baby.

    Today was filled with stops and starts. I had to be in Glendale by eight to meet the kitchen contractors. It was supposed to take about five hours, but they finished in less than three. They showed up on time and were super nice. They also helped me set up the spare refrigerator in the garage. It is very weird to see the kitchen completely empty with big holes in the walls. It's has thirty years of dirt in certain places!

    The plumber was supposed to show up between 9-1pm. He still had not shown up when the kitchen guys left, so I called the company to give them my cell number. I was told that he would be there around one, but he would call when he was on his way over.

    Fanny picked me up for lunch and we had Japanese.  She has been having a rough year too, so it was good to talk and catch up. Her pregnancy is finally starting to show! We are hoping to visit Julie later in the week.

    I was back at one and the guy didn't show until almost three. The repair would take about two hours, plus he had to pick up some parts. I had a salon appointment in the early evening, so I didn't have the time to wait while he fixed it. Now, he has to come back...although, he gave us ten percent off, since he was so late. This is a good thing, because the upstairs bathroom is turning into a costly nightmare!

    I ran a few errands and got home...checked my email...the salon had sent an email asking me to confirm my own appointment. Apparently the receptionist never wrote it down. This was an hour before I was supposed to have my appointment. I called and they had the time already filled. If I had known earlier, I could have stayed to have the bathroom fixed. I was livid! I have since calmed down, but an hour ago, I was livid.

    Totally off of the subject, the Survivor finale was fantastic. It was one of the best seasons, filled with so many unexpected blindsides. I loved it!

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: Home is Where The Heart Is- Lady Antebellum
    Saturday, May 10th, 2008
    7:08 pm
    I Have Antlers!

    I was just posting on Book Crossing and I noticed that I have been gifted with Antlers! This was so nice and it has made my day! I have no idea who the anonymous BC's might be, but it was such a sweet surprise. 

    This morning Marc and I stimulated the economy. We basically used our entire stimulus check (and then some) on new glasses. We each got prescription reading glasses and prescription sunglasses. It wasn't the most fun way to spend the money, but it was necessary. I happened to pick shades of lavender in both pair. They are both very different from my current glasses, so I am excited about my new look!

    I went to our third book club meeting, where we discussed "Covenant with a Vampire." We also managed to get a few more group members. We are expanding!!! Dawn is going to look into creating a website for our group and we are hoping to establish an official bookcrossing zone. I still need to do my first wild release. I am a little bit hesitant with trying a wild release. I kind of like knowing that my books are going to someone who wants them. I love doing RABCK! I need to give up control and try a wild release. 

    Julie is still in labor and as of this morning, she is still at home. Yesterday, she fell down the stairs in her house and tore a ligament in her ankle. Her husband called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. The baby was ok though! A very scary situation.



    Current Mood: bouncy
    Current Music: Trying To Stop Your Leaving- Dierks Bentley
    Friday, May 9th, 2008
    12:15 am
    Really cool, if it works...

    As anyone who watches TV knows, Universal has recently launched a big push towards environmentalism. "Green is Universal." We get email and audix updates on changes the company is making to become more green. One of these changes, caught my eye today. It was about junk mail and a company called Green Dimes. 

    I have been desperately trying to reduce the amount of junk mail that my mom received. I have called no less than forty catalogs and I cannot even begin to count the number of charity solicitations that have some through. Really, there is an organization for EVERYTHING! 

    So, I decided to check out the green dimes website to see if it might be worth. I signed up and it looks like it might be a good deal. I can list all of the junk mail and they will make the calls for me. I am loving this! Not sure if it will work, but for twenty bucks, I am willing to give it a shot.



    Current Mood: accomplished
    Thursday, May 8th, 2008
    6:52 pm
    Quick Update

    Something happy for Mother's Day...My best friend is currently in labor! Julie's baby has decided to come a few weeks early for Mother's Day!  I have been on the phone with her all day, as she is still at home, not quite ready to go to the hospital. Apparently the doctor gave her the option, but she decided to stay home until the contractions got worse. This is all very exciting and I have my phone close by for any updates.

    Monday night, we had a fantastic book crossing meet up to celebrate Otakuu and Six4Paula's trip to California. Also in attendance were Inksmudge ( who made beautiful place cards), Scout-Finch, Beteljooz, Misstree and Mrtree. I laughed so much that my stomach was still aching the next day! It was extra special meeting Otakuu, she gives the best hugs! I am definitely going to try to make the 2009 New Zealand Convention a reality!

    Buying a new car is proving to be difficult. I have decided that I want a package five, metallic gray Prius. Currently, the demanding is far exceeding the supply. I have two dealers looking for me. They can pre-sell the car to me, but they can't officially do it until they have the car touch US soil. On Tuesday night, I had a dealer in Glendale tell me that my car was at the port and to make it mine, I would need to sign the contracts. The earliest that I could get there was Wednesday night and someone else had already signed the paper work. Grrrrrrrrr!

    The upstairs bathroom has more damage than previously thought and will require more extensive work. The kitchen is being demolished on Tuesday.



    Current Mood: chipper
    Monday, May 5th, 2008
    12:04 am
    Stagecoach 2008

    Yesterday I went to the Stagecoach music festival. It was a ton of fun and I will definitely be back in 2009. A few thoughts...

    1. Excellent people watching. Seriously, probably the best people watching that I have ever encountered. Country music fans are crazy, especially the people who did the onsite camping.

    2. Dierks Bently is hot! I have a new celebrity crush.

    3. Taylor Swift didn't disappoint. She was adorable live and performed all of the songs that I was hoping she would.

    4. Stagecoach is the week after Coachella. It's basically the same thing, with different music and much cheaper beer. I went to Coachella a few years ago, but it seemed like Stagecoach was twice as crowded.

    5. I never thought it could be possible, but I ate too much BBQ. They had a BBQ contest with about thirty companies giving samples of their BBQ. We bought ten tickets to try samples, but the samples were more like entire plates. I ate until I simply couldn't eat anymore...so good!

    5. Next year, I am wearing pink cowgirl boots. This is non-negotiable!

    In unrelated news...I saw the new Americana mall in Glendale today. It's really impressive. Glendale now has J.Crew, Kielh's, Anthropologie and a whole bunch of cool stores that I have never heard of before...It has a park area, a trolley and Belagio esque fountains. It's very similar to the Grove, but I think it's prettier. I think I am wooed by it enough to not be concerned about the traffic it's going to bring. I am sure that I will bitch about it  in December though!



    Current Mood: bouncy
    Current Music: Love Don't Live Here Anymore- Lady Antebellum
    Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
    8:07 pm
    Amy Nudged Me!

    I received a nudge from Amy and it made me realize that I had not posted in a very long time! Hi Amy!

    A ton of things have happened...let me try to hit the highlights...

    Glendale Home- We have still not moved in. The place is requiring a lot more work than we had initially thought. We are hoping to move sometime within the next 6-8 weeks. One of the biggest thing is the discovery of termite damage in the upstairs bathroom. We need to completely replace the floor. Not fun!

    New Car- I have been shopping around for a new car. It am trying to decide between a Civic Hybrid and a Prius. Any thoughts?

    Friends- Kristi and Kevin visited in March. I wrote this in my last post, but what I didn't write, is later that week I went out with Kristi's family for Tepanyaki. Kristi's cousin, Dusty, was the rose queen this last year...I dinned with the queen! kind of silly. I also had breakfast with Dene and Paul. I met their new baby, Sierra. Sierra was adorable and she didn't cry once! I have had coffee a few times with my high school friend, Kahlil. Reconnecting has made me happy. He's funny and gets me thinking creatively. Marc and I also had dinner with my friend Shannah and her husband, Brian. I had not seen Shannah in eleven years! She is the chairwoman for a relay for life event in May. We both signed up to walk in it.  Julie's baby shower turned out great, with minimal problems. She got so many presents that I think they need a bigger house. Seriously, the baby is set and is going to be very well dressed! As much as I bitched about it, I had fun planning it with Fanny. I have also discovered that babies are a lot of fun to shop for. I can't stop buying baby presents for everyone.

    Family- Marc's family visited a few weeks ago. Here is the break down.

    Tuesday- I picked up my fifteen year old nephew, Dillon, from the airport. We went to the Body World's exhibit. He held a human heart and thought it was cool. We took him to dinner at PF Changs and teased him, since he didn't know how to use chopsticks. I want to mail him some to practice with.

    Wednesday- Marc's mom (Charlotte), her boyfriend (John), Marc's Brother ( Michael), Michael's wife (Michelle) and my niece, Morgan all arrived. We had tea at the Huntington and walked around the gardens. In the afternoon, we went on the Warner Brother's tour. The tour was great, we got to play on the sets of ER and Pushing Daisies. I walked inside the Pie Hole!

    Thursday- Universal Studios. The kids did the indoor sky diving.

    Friday- Disneyland...both parks, all day! 

    Saturday- Morning spent waiting around for Michael and Michelle. We ate with them and then they headed to the airport. We took Dillon shopping and to the movies. The Ruins was awful...although I suppose anyone reading this could have told me that!

    Sunday- Dillon had never been to a zoo. We took him to the LA Zoo, which was packed! The reptile house is closed due to renovations,. It had been awhile since I had been there. In the evening, we took Dillon the the airport.

    Book Stuff- I went to the LA Times festival of books on Sunday. I bought a lot and got a book signed by Gina Nahai. I have gone to my second book club meeting and the third is set for the tenth of May. I am also arranging a meet up for the 5th, which is when Evelyn and Paula are visiting California. I am especially excited for this one!

    I think those are the big highlights. This Saturday I am going to the Stage Coach Festival!!!! I get to see Taylor Swift!!!! I have been excited over this for months and it's finally here. Yippee!!!!



    Current Mood: awake
    Current Music: Home- Blake Shelton
    Wednesday, March 12th, 2008
    11:50 pm
    Kristi and Kevin

    Kristi and Kevin are visiting this week from Washington. I had dinner with them and they kept me laughing the entire time. They were both exactly what I needed. I wish they lived closer!!!

    Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
    7:57 pm
    Facials and Remodeling
    This evening I went over to my mom's house to check the progress of the remodel. Most of the house has it's first coat of paint and the colors that we picked look better than I had imagined. Here is what we picked, all Behr paint..

    1. Stable Hay- Downstairs living/dining room/ kitchen and the stairway/upstairs hallway

    2.Silver Service- Master Bedroom

    3. Cool Melon - Second bedroom ( The office/reading room)

    4.Indian Paint Brush- Downstairs Bathroom

    5. Yellow Brick Road- Upstairs Bathroom

    It looks really, really good. Sunday, we picked out the carpet/tile/wood for the flooring. Saturday, we finalize the kitchen remodel, which is pretty much an entire overhaul- cabinets/counter tops/sink/et...The designs that we have seen so far, look great. The window coverings still need to be measured and picked out. We are replacing them in the whole house. I am still overwhelmed, but I can see it pulling together.

    Sunday morning, I had a facial. The esthetician, convinced me to upgrade to an acne facial, since my face was so broken out. I never had bad skin, until a few years ago. It's frustrating! It's extra bad now, because of all of the stress. The acne facial was very painful for a majority of the hour it took. I felt like she was rubbing my face with sand paper.Two of the treatments were peels that were almost unbearable. She also used an electric pulse to kill bacteria. I left with what looked like a really bad sunburn. It looked bad enough that I got several comments. Today, it started peeling...really peeling...peeling all over. I almost called in sick to work, because it looked so bad. I think most of the peeling is done and the redness has started to fade and now I can see a huge improvement. It was totally worth it. I need to remember this for when I need to go back for another treatment in three weeks!  

    Spotless is now living with us in Pasadena. He used to be submissive and terrified of Nicolette. The tables have turned. Spotless refuses to back down and it's making her nervous. The good news is there has been very little drama, only a little bit of hissing. If I had known that it would be this easy, I would have brought him over here when my mom was in the hospital.

    Current Mood: Itchy
    Monday, March 10th, 2008
    8:13 am
    Susan
    I just got off the phone with my father-in-law. His wife, Susan, passed away this morning. She had been battling cancer for as long as I have known Marc. Even though I only met her twice, I am really sad by this news. I knew it was coming, but it doesn't make it easier, especially so close to my mom.  
    Tuesday, March 4th, 2008
    11:39 pm
    Happy Arbor Day!

    Truthfully, although I should have guessed it, I didn't realize that it was Arbor Day until I showed up for the tree ceremony at a park in Glendale. Every year on Arbor Day, the "Beautiful Glendale" society holds a ceremony and tree dedication. The Glendale Police Department bought a tree in my mom's memory and I went with my aunt to accept the certificate. 

    It ended up being a much bigger deal than we had expected. Around a hundred people showed up, including the mayor and other city officials. The program included a prominent horticulturist as a speaker. I learned all about the need for native plants. I think my favorite part was a bunch a children from a local elementary school read poems that they had written about trees. So cute! Lot's of cheesy rhyming, but not so bad actually. The kids also had pictures that they had created. Really super cute! Close to a hundred and fifty trees had been purchased this year, so we had to sit through as they read off all of the names. The woman reading the names really struggled, especially butchering all of the Armenian names. After the ceremony, a photographer from the Police Department took some pictures of my holding up the certificate. The police chief couldn't be there, but he sent an assistant to handle PR stuff. The Police Department is also dedicating a memorial wall to my mom, right in the main lobby of the station. It's the donor wall for the K-9 program, but instead of just a plaque, the entire wall is being dedicated to her. I thought this was pretty neat and totally overwhelming. The department is also going to wear something for my mom during the Baker to Vegas Challenge Cup Race. Just all overwhelming.

    I have had the past three days off and they have been all filled with errands. Most of the errands having to do with my mom's house and remodeling. I also had a couple of doctors appointments. I was really happy leaving the dentist. I actually enjoy going to the dentist. I never have any problems and Dr. Weissman is funny. I have had a small chips in my two front teeth for years. It's not a big deal, but something that I finally wanted to get fixed. I thought that it would require a lot of effort to fix it. He looked at it, took a sander type of thing and fixed it on the spot. Five minutes and it was done. It looks great too! 

    In book news....On Sunday, I went to the first meeting of my new book group. I am starting it with two book crossers in the Encino area. It looks promising. We just did an initial meeting and for next month, we are reading Anna Karinina, a classic that I have been meaning to get to. I am hoping that we will get a solid thing going. This morning, I received a box of books from Gothamgal in Akron. I was supposed to have met with her over the holidays, but my mom was in the hospital. She sent me three books and a bunch of non-book related surprises. Her book group, The Rubber City Book Posse, also nominated me to be their Western US Ambassador! This totally made my day!

    Work is good. There is a very huge possibility that my work load might be doubling in the next couple of weeks. We have had some shifting in management, that might mean I will pick up some more areas to schedule. This is good news. I have also had many meetings with finance and started training some entertainment employees on the timekeeper system. This probably doesn't mean much to anyone out there who might be reading this! 

    One day tickets are now on sale for Stage Coach! I found out about this last week and am still really excited.



    Current Mood: bouncy
    Current Music: Good Directions - Billy Currington
    Wednesday, February 27th, 2008
    12:10 am
    Catching Up

    At the moment, I am sore...very sore. I have had my third personal training session at the gym and my entire body aches. I currently hurt the most in my right calve. Last week, I hurt the most in my chest. It felt like I was in a car accident. The pain last for four days and finally went away. The cool thing is, I can already see muscle definition in my arms!

    Work is still good, except I found out that the Special Effects Stages is going on the Timekeeper system. This means a whole bunch of meetings and training sessions. I am familiar with the system, so I need to help get everyone else on board. It also means that it will take me an extra 2-3 hours a week to do SES, since the system is so damn slow!

    The police department is dedicating a tree to my mom. The ceremony is on Tuesday. It's a nice gesture and I am really not too sure what to expect. I went to the cemetery and picked up the death certificates today. Now that we have the certificates, we can start sending in the insurance forms and dealing with a lot of my mom's finances. My mom was pretty organized, but it doesn't make the process less confusing. It seems like we have an endless pile of paperwork to go through and new stuff coming in the mail every day. My aunt tends to be a little high strung, so that makes it more difficult. I am much more laid back, but it doesn't seem to even things out.

    We have made most major decisions regarding the house remodel. We are basically redoing everything, including the kitchen cabinets, which is the biggest thing. We picked wood floors for downstairs, which is be a big change. I am most excited about my old bedroom, which we are turning into an office/reading room. I have been stressed out making the decisions about the remodel. I don't think it's fun at all. I keep having the overwhelming feeling that I will make the wrong choice and be stuck with it. Marc stepped up and took over with a lot of the decision making process. I really appreciated it, because I was ready to hire a designer. Hoem Depot is my personal hell.

    Last Saturday, I had lunch with an friend from high school, Kahlil. He met me at coffee bean during my lunch break. I found out that was almost cast in a new cirque show that will be opening at the Kodak theater in 2010. How cool is that? I also found out that one of my high school teachers is now a casting director for cirque, which is how he got the audition in the first place. Neat! 

    I am busy planning Julie's Baby Shower that I am co-throwing with Fanny. Marc's family is visiting us in April, which I am also planning. April is going to be an exceptionally busy month.



    Current Mood: awake
    Saturday, February 16th, 2008
    10:27 pm
    Valetine's Day

    Valentine's Day didn't end up being depressing at all. It was actually the perfect day to return to work. On my desk, I found a yellow daisy plant with a huge bow around it. It was a welcome back present from my boss and the office. It took me two hours to sort through emails, about a third of which were sympathy/welcome back related. I also had more cards, phone calls, people dropping by with hugs...I felt loved and very much appreciated. Prior to coming back, I had received an Pink Azalea plant from the attractions management and a bouquet of multicolored daisies from theatrical operations (special effects stages.) I also had cards sent signed by people at various rides and shows. I really didn't expect any of it from work and was a little overwhelmed.

    Valentine's Day was also a good day to be back, because right outside of my office, they were giving away enormous chocolate covered strawberries all day long! Also, one of my bosses bought Starbucks for the entire office staff. Thursday rocked! Small things make me happy!



    Current Mood: awake
    Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
    6:10 pm
    Mom's party and stuff
    It's been a really long week and a half. 

    Less than two hours after my mom died, I received a phone call from an organ donation company. I didn't think that they would be able to use anything from mom, but they were able to take her eyes. I was able to do it over the phone, but it still took about an hour. I was exhausted and tried to keep as upbeat as possible with the guy on the phone, who was very nice and compassionate towards the circumstances. It's what mom would have wanted, so I felt good about it.

    My aunt stayed at mom's until Friday. We did errands every day, all day. Mostly going though paper work and making arrangements, but we also got our nails done and went shopping. I have spent a lot of money this week on new clothes that I didn't need. It shouldn't have, but it made me feel a little better.

    Mom had already made arrangements to be cremated and buried at Forest Lawn. She had it all pre-planned in the early eighties, when my father died. This made it fairly easy. We still needed to sign off on stuff and pay for some of it, but it only took about an hour. The worst part of the experience was hearing people crying in other parts of the mortuary, in other planning rooms. My aunt and I were in a good mood and didn't cry at all. We decided not to have a service at the mortuary and not to be present for the cremation or internment, which are taking place on Valentine's day. It just seemed morbid and unnecessary.

    We decided instead to have a memorial service, that we called a party. The Glendale Police Department helped us make some of the arrangements. We had a luncheon at the Elks Lodge in Glendale. We completely underestimated the amount of people that would show up and the whole banquet room filled. We had close to two-hundred. One of the lieutenants played MC. They started the service with the police honor guard and a flag presentation. The chief of police spoke and the police chaplain said a prayer. It was nice and simple. The floor was opened up and several friends of mom's spoke about her. Mostly funny stories and memories. One friend ended up giving a long speech, including breaking down several times. The police dogs were there. I saw several people that I have not seen in a very long time, including my Godmother, Carlene and her family. I also met my mom's best friend growing up, Mary Lou Patten and her 90 year old father, who taught my mom to drive. We made picture boards, including some great pin-up style shots of my mom from the 50's. We played Elvis and swing music. Overall, it was a lot of fun. I laughed a lot and didn't cry at all. I think that it was exactly what my mom would have wanted.

    I also realized that I have a lot of really good friends. Not that I didn't know this before, just that they jumped into action. Fanny came over the morning that my mom died and helped with the memorial program. She's a great listener. Luke gives the best hugs, totally enveloping and firm. Julie had called me every day. She called me from court the moment that she heard the news and wanted to drive over from Santa Monica to be with me. She also treated me to a spa day at Burke Williams. We had milk baths and full body massages. Burke Williams is an amazing spa, I can't wait to go back. This week I have also had my hair cut, hair high-lighted, eye brows arched and I had a facial at the Amadeus spa in Pasadena. I was really run down from the past few months, so this has helped. I also bought six personal training sessions at my gym. I had the fist yesterday and I am sore everywhere!

    The next big project is my mom's house. I am going to completely remodel it and in a few months, it will hopefully be ready to move in. It's a big job, since the place is old and totally in my mom's style. I want to make it more modern. I am also going to get a new car. I don't want mom's and mine is getting old...time for a new one! It's all very exciting, but overwhelming.

    I have been handling everything fairly well. I think I just cried so much when mom was in the hospital, that I am ready to be happy. I am a little down about Valentine's day. I have never had a bad Valentine's day, because my mom always made it special. My mom was huge for holidays. I think I am going to miss her the most around any holiday. Tomorrow I am going back to work and it really won't be a special day for anything. It's not really a big deal, but it makes me a little sad.

    Current Mood: okay
    Monday, February 4th, 2008
    8:37 am
     Mom died this morning, close to seven. It was peaceful. She just started breathing really slowly and eventually stopped. My immediate reaction was relief. I am so happy to know that she is no longer sick and suffering. I am back home now.
    2:07 am

    I am completely overwhelmed. This is the second night in the hospital and I am going on less than three hours of sleep from last night. We have stopped all treatments and now it's just waiting for my mom to stop breathing. We are trying to keep her comfortable, but it is impossible to tell if she is in pain. The thought that she could be in pain is driving me crazy. Also, all of the major decisions are up to me and I am just not sure that I am making the right ones. I feel totally helpless. I am just listening to her struggle to breath and I don't know what to do.

    Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
    5:11 am
     I thought that right now was as good of a time as any to do an update. I am currently at the hospital, in my mom's room. She went into the hospital eight days ago and has been declining pretty much every day. On Thursday, they amputated her right middle toe. This sounds more awful that it really is. I have seen it. It was completely black before they took it and it was causing her a lot of pain. It looks better gone.

    Mom has had a ton of visitors every day. She even had the police K-9 unit stop by. They brought one of the german shepards and it really cheered her up. The dog climbed into bed with her and licked her hand. I think that it was comforting. The dog created a huge stir in the hospital and a lot of the nurses stopped in the room to pet him.

    The nurses have been fantastic. My friend, Karin, from Junior high is a respiratory nurse. She has given my mom several treatments. It's nice to have a familiar face helping my mom. My mom's kind of out of it, so I don't think that she recognized Karin...but it's still nice. 

    One huge positive out of this is all of the time that I have been able to spend with my aunt. She kind of drives me nuts, but I love her. It's pretty much been the two of us in this together and we have grown a lot closer. We were close before, but it just feels like more now. I have heard a lot of great family stories and things I just didn't know before. It also makes me realize how small my family is, this is scary. I have been lonely a lot.

    Mom has been going downhill all week, but today things took a big dive. This morning, she mostly slept and had few moments of clarity. We left her around five to get dinner and within an hour, her blood pressure dipped to below forty and she almost crashed. We came back and the nurses told us that we had better stick around, because it looks like she doesn't have too much time left. We thought hours, but it's almost five in the morning and she is still here. She is currently having a blood transfusion and it seems to help. Her breathing is very labored and she doesn't seem to be aware of anything around her. The worst part for me is when her eyes roll back into her head. Her eyes are pretty much always open, but she isn't focused. It's also bad when she starts gasping for breath, like a fish out of water. Her kidneys are failing, in addition to all of the other problems, so it's a matter of time.

    I am actually dealing with this a little better than expected. I have hysterical crying spells, but I have mostly been calm, I think the hardest thing is I have power of attorney over my mom, so the doctors/nurses have been coming to me for big decisions. I had to sign a DNR form when she went into surgery. It's what my mom wants, but that doesn't mean that it makes it easier. At this point, I just want her to be comfortable, out of pain and all of this to end quickly. Mom also started to give us all her wishes for a memorial services and such. I am glad that she can tell us what she wants, but it doesn't make it any easier to hear. 

    One kind of funny thing that happened today...my mom had to have blood drawn to test it for the transfusion and the guy from the lab was flirting with my aunt. He was trying to be really funny and butter her up. Talk about bad timing! My aunt was not picking up on it, but the guy was pretty relentless until my aunt mentioned that she is married. I found the entire exchange to be amusing. 

    I guess that's about it. My aunt and I are sleeping at the hospital. I am really thankful that the hospital has wireless access and that Marc thought to bring the laptop to me. The nurses have also been bringing us coffee and tea. The head nurse has mostly been taking care of my mom personally and she has been extra nice to us. I feel like mom is in the best care possible,

    Current Mood: sad
    Tuesday, January 15th, 2008
    10:20 pm
    Mom Update
    She has been home from the hospital for two days, but we have come close to going back. She can't seem to keep food down. Tomorrow she has an appointment for chemo, so hopefully her oncologist will be able to help her with the food issue. If she can't eat, she won't be able to get better. My aunt stayed until Monday morning. She took my mom to radiation and to get her hair shaved off. It started to come out in clumps over the weekend, so she thought it would look better just gone. It really doesn't look too bad. She is wearing the hats I bought for her prior to Christmas. I picked up with her care on Monday afternoon and today. It's mostly just being with her and helping out around the house. Mom is too tired to do much. She looks awful and it makes me feel helpless.

    Today, I took mom's cat, Spotless, to the vet. He has been eating and drinking voraciously and has not gained any weight. It's one of two things, diabetes or hyperthyroidisim. We are hoping for the thyroid problem. If it's the thyroid, we will only have to give him medicine that is applied to his ears and absorbed through the skin. The problem is also potentially curable. If it's diabetes, that means insulin shots every day and the potential that he will develop infections. The vet took blood and urine, we will know the results tomorrow.

    Marc has pink eye and is off work until next Monday. I am staying far away from him!

    Julie called me today and I vented to her. She followed by venting to me about work issues. It was mutual venting and I felt better.

    Something that made me happy...Masterpiece Theatre is doing the complete works of Jane Austen. I am going to save them all up on TIVO and have a day of Jane with tea and scones!

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Sunday, January 13th, 2008
    11:43 pm
    Hospital Ordeal Over

    Mom is home from the hospital and doing fine. Today was not an easy one though. I was at the hospital from ten-thirty until six and the entire time mom was moody and belligerent. She wanted to go home, but the surgeon had to check her foot before she could be released. The surgeon was at the hospital, but he was in surgery all day. Mom just couldn't stop complaining. She took it out on anyone who came in her room. It was hard to deal with, so I spent most of the time in the family lounge. She refused to eat the hospital food, so she basically only got nutrition through her IV's for three days. She refused to take walks down the hall, even though the nurses said that she would heal faster and be more likely to be released. She just sat in bed, watched football and bitched all day. I am still pissed off at her. I came very close to leaving the hospital.

    Adding to the mess, I ran into a guy from my playwriting class in the lobby. Apparently, he works at the hospital's check in desk. It was just very awkward. When my mom was released, they had her in the wheelchair at the front entrance, as we brought the car around. Mom complained to the guy from my class. I also noticed that a friend from high school was a nurse on my mom's floor. I didn't have a chance to speak with her, but she used to be a close friend. My mom and her mom would take turns carpooling us. I would have been mortified, if she had been my mom's nurse. I have a feeling that my mom made her presence known to everyone on that floor. 

    When we finally got her home from the hospital, Nancy and Joyce came over for dinner. It broke up the tension a bit. We had spaghetti and Nancy's famous chocolate cake, while we watched the Golden Globe coverage. I don't care much about any of the awards shows...but I think the way they handled it this year, is the way to go. Quick and to the point.



    Current Mood: pissed off
    12:05 am
    Surgery Update
    Yesterday, mom had surgery to remove the blood clot. They got a majority of the clot and the rest they are trying to dissolve with medicine. She was an emergency add in procedure, which means we had to wait at the hospital until they could squeeze in her procedure. My aunt and I stayed at the hospital for twelve hours. We left briefly to get lunch and run a few errands. I thought that I would read a lot, but it's distracting being around the hospital. We met some other worried families, which only added to my anxiety. One woman's father was given a 10% chance of coming out of surgery alive, but it was his only option. Being in the hospital is depressing. They we also very short staffed and over booked. It took them five hours to find my mom a room in the hospital and to transport her. We stayed until she got settled in her room and then went to dinner at Conrads. I didn't get home until twelve-thirty. Exhausted.

    This morning, my aunt and I were back at the hospital at ten. Mom was grumpy, but she had not been experiencing pain in her foot. Her foot is still purple, but showing huge signs of improvement. We visited a bit and then mom made us leave. We went to the mall, shopped and got lunch. We went back to the hospital three hours later. Mom was even more grumpy. The doctor had not been in to see her yet. She was uncomfortable and just wanted us to leave. We went and saw "Juno." It was OK. The main character kind of grated on me and some of the dialog was annoying. The theater was packed and I was sitting next to a family with a lot of kids. The kids were too young to see that movie and had a lot of questions. Not good. My aunt like the movie more than I did. She thought it was "cute." We got pizza for dinner. Called mom and she seemed better. The doctor visited and it looks like she will be able to come home tomorrow! I am so happy that she was able to take care of this though surgery. Her foot isn't in pain and it looks like the blood clot scare is minimized.

    Current Mood: exhausted
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